HOW TO GET BETTER SERVICE ON YOUR MACHINE

1.   Do not call for service until everyone concerned has had time to form 
an opinion as to what is wrong.  Allow each person the chance to correct the 
problem.  Whenever possible, all controls and adjusting screws should be 
turned.

2.   After several days, when the machine malfunction has become a major 
emergency, place an urgent call for service.  Fridays are best, but anytime 
after 4 PM is ok.

3.   Alert all personnel so that each can give their version of what is 
wrong.  Suggestions on how to fix the machine will be welcomed by the 
service man.

4.   Hide the service history log that is found in the machine.  Make 
several references to the man was there for the same problem last week.

5.   Have at least eight graduate engineers present to ask highly technical 
questions which are in no way related to the immediate problem.

6.   The minute the service man arrives, ask what caused the delay.  Make it 
clear that he was to arrive two days ago.  Before he can answer, ask him 
when the machine will be back in service.

7.   The machine should be as dirty and greasy as possible.  A mixture of 
oil and pencil sharpener shavings work well.  If the machine has electrical 
components, add staples and paper clips.

8.   Assign someone to supervise the repair.  A person who had never seen 
the machine before is preferred.  Bad breath is a big plus.

9.   Ask again when the machine will be ready for use.

10.  Be sure that the lights are off in the room where the machine is to be 
repaired.  A good service man can fix them blindfolded.

11.  Ask if the machine is ready yet.  If the service man is looking at a 
schematic diagram, ask if he knows what he is doing.

12.  Inspect each tool the service man brings with him.  If you do not 
understand what a particular tool is used for, don't hesitate to ask.  When 
replacing the tools in his tool kit, alternate between placing them in the 
wrong place and asking where each one goes. 

13.  When the repair is completed, tell him what a swell job he did.  Tell 
him that the job should be swell, it took long enough.

14.  Try to talk the service man down on the bill.  Those big companies make
too much money anyway.

15.  After the service man has gone, call his supervisor and tell him that 
the machine is now worse than it was before.  Follow up with a letter and 
send a copy to the company's home office.
 that 
the machine is now worse than it was before.